my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
