So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize