I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
