So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
