no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
