writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
