I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize