24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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