Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
