I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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