Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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