Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
