If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
