remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
