I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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