i don't like sucking hair
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
