Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
