dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
