I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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