So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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