We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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