so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
