I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
