I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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