ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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