At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
