People in love make me want to vomit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
