people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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