You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize