Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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