Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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