dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
