It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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