i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
