and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
