What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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