I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
