Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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