Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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