It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
