Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
