We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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