about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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