He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
