i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
