U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
someone owes me an orgasm
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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