just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
