I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
