Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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