I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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