omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
