Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
