omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
