you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
