Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
