I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
