I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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