I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
