I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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