Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
