He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You took a bar mat shot.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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