i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
