I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
