I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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