dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize