the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
