We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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