Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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