So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
