Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I AM VODKA MAN
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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