it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
