I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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