After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
