Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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