My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
why is half of my head shaved?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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