yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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