I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize