You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
