tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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