i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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