M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
