There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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