he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize