I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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