i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize