I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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