if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
