I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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