hotel room ftw
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
