Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
