yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
