Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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