Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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