yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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