The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
