It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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