i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
