He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
