y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
