I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
