he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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