Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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