So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
