I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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