yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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