See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
