She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
