Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
