we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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