How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
