Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
