How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
