Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize