I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You need a sexual gate keeper
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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