ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
